Category Archives: sadness

Happy and Sad

It is a happy and sad time for me. My new high school is a nice, very caring place. My teachers are better than my old school. My classes are smaller, and it is more easy-going in general, so this part of my life is much, much happier than last semester. I am sad because my grandmother is not well. I don’t visit her now because she is too frail and I don’t control my movements well. I know she is leaving me in the near future, though we never know when, but my heart weeps inside. She is such a lovely soul and she hurts now too much. It is an amazing journey to live a life, and hers makes the world a kinder place. It is life, I guess. Joy and sorrow are always in the wings waiting for us. Sometimes one. Sometimes the other. Sometimes both at once.

Noticing Our Blessings and Defeating Sorrow

Life is hard to predict. Even harder to count on.  Since horrible things can happen without warning, I think we really need to live each day like it is a gift.
 Inside I get sad and edgy and I know I must fight it. My limitations irritate me so much. I lose myself in rotten resentment. Bad idea. I’m not helping my life in self-sorrow. I stop seeing my blessings in those moments, but I have so many blessings. I just have to notice them.
I may be disabled and non-verbal, but I am lucky too. I have a good family. I am cared for by many people. I have free will to communicate and to learn. I am loving my liberation inside as I climb out of autism’s silence. I am into nature and music. God gives me breathe each day.
Can I feel gratitude for the small miracles too? I must because small miracles add and add and add to a great gift. Living in recognition of our gifts is a weapon against sorrow. Those if us who get sad often must focus on our blessings.
I love delicious food and I’m lucky I have tastebuds to enjoy it. I love water and I’m lucky to swim. I love music and I enjoy it every day. Should I focus only on my illness and feel miserable? No, not ever. We must choose life in the belief we can make it better.
It is easy to make life worse. Hard to make it better. But if our life is precious to God, which I believe it is, then I must see it is an obligation to be good to our own selves as well as others. The belief that it must be perfect to appreciate our gifts is sort of juvenile. I’m hoping to get better at this.
I see some disabled people who fight so incredibly bravely. I am so inspired by their attitude. I see how they fight on and on. I see it and I know it’s not easy for them, but do they really have another good option? There is another option, but it stinks. Anger, resentment, and self-pity are horrible options. I think if we have one chance with our lives, we’d better live to our best in spite of our challenges.