This morning my aide for school called to say she was sick. My wonderful dad had to turn around on his way to work and stay with me in the morning. Then my wonderful mom did the same after her meeting so he could go to work. And I had to miss school because there was no sub to be with me. I started thinking about it because I missed being at school, for once. In the past, I, once in a blue moon, had to miss school because my aide was sick and there was no sub. In middle school I didn’t feel too down about that because, like most kids, I liked being home. In elementary school it made little difference in my remedial education whether I went or not, but now I feel happy in school. If I miss it I feel bummed, so I got the insight that I better get more independent so I won’t be in this situation again.
If I could monitor myself better I could have gone today. Autism makes us distracted by impulses, so without my aide I would stim on the way to class, take too long to sit, and be noisy. I need to be a harder worker on my self control if I want to grow into a man, not stay a boy depending on his mom for guidance all my life. The brain can triumph over many obstacles. I have read a bunch of neurology books about people with brain disorders who healed themselves somehow.
The brain is not a simple organ like the heart or liver because it has the ability to compensate or adapt to injury at times. Who can say what we can overcome or not? It seems to me I must find the way to get more self-control by resisting impulses. That is harder than I can imagine, but I guess I need to start sometime. As with anyone who fights their impulses, it gets easier with practice. But really I need to be determined to do it and I’ll be honest, my determination is not consistent. The knowledge of what I must do is the start, but the fortitude to do it is the finish.