Category Archives: sensory system

A Taste of Sensory Bombardment

Here is a PSA that is trying to give a taste of sensory overload in autism. It is very hard to depict but it does give a hint of what it is like when too much information is coming in at once.

Sensory Processing Issues in Autism

In autism so many things are our of whack it’s a pretty full-time job just making it through the day. I’ve described the motor problems, especially between mind and body. Now I’d like to address some issues related to sensory processing.

We have the major senses of sight, hearing and touch. I love taste and smell, but obviously they are not the primary senses. Soma includes kinesthesia, or movement, as a kind of sense. It includes body awareness. Normal sensory processing is generalized, meaning it is adaptable and can cope in a variety of contexts. It is what you do automatically. For example, if you converse in a noisy room you automatically tune out the background din, but a person whose auditory processing is global is blasted equally by all sounds. Then processing become overload. On the other hand, a person who micro processes might get locked into tuning  into the same sounds over and over. Sometimes people who are overloaded due to global processing  may try to cope by obsessively listening to micro-selective, familiar tunes.

The same applies to sight. You focus near, far, or on what’s necessary while ignoring non critical sights. The TV program, Brain Games, showed how normal brains are fooled easily in visual processing. We call it optical illusions, but it’s really proof of our processing selectivity. In fact, our brain is selective to protect us from overload. But when our brains can’t control the overload, which can happen with autism, we can be overwhelmed or scattered in perception or alternatively, we can pick a minute visual target to distract and comfort us. I am guessing you know people who have watched the same movie or cartoon thousands of times to cope with sensory overload, though it may be beyond boring.

I do believe these skills improve with practice. Mine have  very much, but it is a lot of work to change this kind of neurological pattern. However, I have hope in neurological plasticity and in the determination to improve.

Struggling for Self Control in a Sensory Overwhelming World

It is the most intense feeling when I get overwhelmed. How do I describe it in polite terms? It is like the need to vomit. Do you think you have the ability to hold that in? Like it or not, the vomit insists on being released. The need to purge is stronger than manners, or place, or doing what is appropriate. The body defeats the mind’s wishes.
My response to strongly overwhelmed senses can also be an explosive outburst that comes like a tidal wave. Staying away from overwhelming situations helps but I can’t hide from the world. Sometimes I may be in an environment where the background music may be at a volume so loud as to be really agonizing to a person with sound sensitivities. That same environment may be so visually stimulating it is like a kaleidoscope whizzing at a fast speed. In the struggle of sensory blasts, we with autism struggle to keep it together. I think you can’t imagine the challenge of some environments. In the past I wrote how I felt overwhelmed by the crowds and visually blasting images in the rides in Disneyland. Many times there I get the feeling like I must escape instantly because my senses are overwhelmed, but these feelings can happen in many other environments as well.
Even after leaving a tough environment the effects may linger. I wish I could do more to stop the bursts inside because I may behave in a way I regret outside. The choice is to fight the intense feelings inside with so much effort (like fighting back the urge to vomit), or to have the feelings burst out. If I could figure out how to calm my system in these challenging moments, I would because afterwards I feel wretched and regretful. Thankfully I generally have good control now despite these moments that are so overwhelming. But this is still a great frustration for those of us with autism, as well as those who are with us when it happens.

Autism, Anxiety, and the Dentist

I have never tolerated a dental cleaning in my entire life. That is why a simple teeth cleaning required a general anesthesia. In my case, the anxiety builds immediately when I enter a dental office. I never could sit in the dental chair and lie back. The poor dentist had to examine me while I was standing, and I would be in flight mode. So this meant I had my dental appointments rarely.

Yesterday I tried again to have my teeth cleaned in a regular appointment. This time I got a dose of lorazepam an hour before the appointment. It took the worst of my anxiety away. I was able to be a patient and follow instructions and even sit in the chair and get my teeth cleaned with the light in my face. The dentist was kind and patient. She found some cavities we need to fill.

I couldn’t handle the x-ray, unfortunately, but I need them because of my cavities. I may need a general anesthesia after all to do the cavity filling and x-rays. Once I’ll be able to handle biting down on the plastic with the film in my mouth I’ll be home free. For me this was a big accomplishment. I am so happy I tolerated it.

Experiencing Heightened Senses

Here is a link to a site that tries to show how it is to have the heightened senses of autism in regular environments. I know if I don’t wear headphones in a restaurant, I go nuts internally from the noise.

The Internal Autismland

The frustration of having autism is matched sometimes by the frustration of the parents of an autistic person. It takes so much work, perseverance, and motivation to fight on the bad days or moments when Autismland swallows their child whole. My poor parents say it is remote and far away expressions I make in those times. How I annoy others when I’m in Autismland is a problem.

Choosing to stop or escape is not always possible. My parents or aide have different strategies to pull me back to reality. I exercise or think. They make me do one or both. It helps a lot forcing me to think when my brain is sliding into sensory heaven. It is a struggle between my senses and my mind. If no one helps, my senses usually will dominate when I’m in one of those moments.

Now, I realize I’m no picnic during one of those episodes. The horrible thing is I bug others then, but I don’t change in the way I want because I don’t have the control I need when these episodes occur. Other times I get easy control over myself. It may need lots of training, like sports and music skills. I notice jumping jacks help me reset my mind too. I think the difficulty is the intense OCD aspect. It is hard to resist sometimes. It is scary too to be at the mercy of stims or impulses but I am appreciative when people persevere in helping me regain control of myself and return to Normal-Land.

Stims, Tics, and Freedom

I wish I could stop the majority of my stims. It is sort of weird to imagine my life without the stim in charge of my impulses. It is hard to explain what it feels like to people who have never stimmed, though perhaps you can imagine if you have tics or weird habits that are hard to stop. I see kids playing with their hair, gum, biting their nails. These are stim-like, though not as compelling, I’m sure. Stims are not conscious. They are relaxing, distracting, or invigorating depending on which one it is. Some are entertainment stims too.

The problem with stims us that they make me and other autistic people remote, detached, and hard to connect to. I think this is how stims are different than biting nails, for example, which is a habit. Biting nails isn’t a doorway into another realm, but stims are. It is the reason why I find it hard to eliminate them from my life.

They are compelling, tempting, and easily accessed. To resist is hard beyond imagining. I think I’d love to have just one stim free day to have a respite and see what life can be without stims in it. Would it be boring or flat, or just calmer? I don’t know. I guess I would quickly adjust to a new way if it was available, but it isn’t as of yet.

Electricity in Autismland

I noticed that I get really nervous before I give a speech. I suppose that’s normal but the truth is I felt so scared it kind of took over. I found old stims that were gone for years reappeared. My mom kept bringing this to my attention and kept saying, “Don’t bring back something you overcame just because you’re nervous.”

She is right. It is so easy to slip into bad habits. I bothered my mom and dad with remote, non-engaged laughter. They had to struggle to get me to focus. It was like a motor car rolling downhill with broken brakes. It was not pleasant for me either.

Autismland offers an escape from my stress, but it creates stress for everyone else. I’m overly stimmy if I’m nervous like over-charged electrical energy. How to deal with this is my life’s struggle. I did get it together for my big speech. I was calm the whole time, but leading up to it I was an electrical current that was out of whack. Really I feel much better now. It is very tiring to be stuck on a current of energy. I exercised and we walked. That helped, but it is like this: I will need help either from neuroscientists or electricians. Ha ha.

Professional Guessing

I read this story in the Wall Street Journal.
and it probably describes feelings that other parents can relate to. The boy has very different symptoms from me so of course his story is different too, but I see how hard parents work on dealing with behaviors they don’t understand. I see how they seek answers from experts.

The part of the article I want to comment on is what the autism specialist told the father about his son. The insight the father received is interesting. He is told that his son perceives the world in fragments. In my opinion, the expert is giving an insight based on conjecture. How is she able to determine that the boy is perceiving reality in fragments? I don’t perceive in fragments, though my sensory system isn’t normal. I think autism has a lot of experts who guess a lot.

I am thinking that maybe I don’t have a title, but I am an expert in autism. I could tell the expert the struggle of autism from my own experience. I didn’t read textbooks in autism to help me tell others what autism is. I live autism. I see the world in autistic eyes. I have had so many theories all my life that severely impacted my life. I would say that many were totally fantasy.
I hope soon I can publish my book and tell about autism from the inside out.

Autism in Disneyland

The whole world goes to Disneyland. It is an imaginative talent, to be sure. It is sort of like travel into space, or time, or into a cartoon, in between the crowds and the long lines. The last time I was there I was so sensory overwhelmed I had a feeling of real fear. I saw dark tunnels in the lines, darkness in the rides with sudden bright colors bursting out. In the really kiddy-oriented ride, Winnie-the-Pooh, I was so bombarded by bright colors in the darkness, I almost panicked. I had to control myself from fleeing.

The Pirates of the Caribbean is so dimly lit I couldn’t bring myself to even get into the boat. I know the people I was with were disappointed, but I couldn’t do it then. I wish I could because I rode it when I was little and it is a cool experience of animation in moving figures.

My favorite ride is the Jungle Cruise. It is mellow in a visual sense because it is naturalistic. I enjoy pretending I’m on a safari.

I also love the Autopia because I can pretend I’m driving even though it is easily the loudest environment imaginable. I need my headphones all day in Disneyland.
I like Tom Sawyer Island too. It is fun but my sensory system is always stopping me from doing things. I can run on the paths, bridges, and so on, but I balk at entering the caves. My mind knows they are safe. My system says, “No, no, no.”

Somehow I did the Indiana Jones ride. I can’t believe I did, in retrospect. It is dark, scary and fast- all things my system hates, but it was really exciting and I was entertained by it. It was not in bright colors so my visual field could cope. I would do it again, believe it or not.

The roller coasters scare me so much. I have the fear of flying out so I can’t ride the Matterhorn or Big Thunder Railroad. I know I won’t fly out, but I feel almost panicky even thinking about these rides.

It’s a Small World is a really terrible ordeal. The colors, lights and incessant song drive me bonkers.

The Haunted Mansion is creepy. I can do it though. It is not dark in the beginning so I can go in. Once it’s underway I am fine and it is super creative and well done.

I think I shouldn’t go to Amusement Parks because money is wasted on me. I want to do rides I can’t get myself on. I hate crowds of people and noise. I think I need the beach or trails to relax. My sister is a huge fan of Disneyland and went this week. I remember my last trip there vividly. It was so hot, crowded and noisy. I tried to cope but I struggled to enjoy myself. The conclusion I had is I can’t go if it is crowded or hot.

I know some autistic kids who love the sensory high of Disneyland. They go on roller-coasters over and over. They have sort of a drug-experience on some of the rides. In my case it is not a stream of sensory pleasure, it is an assault on my overly sensitive system. It is an amazingly creative place, but on a scale of one to ten it is an eleven in terms of sensory challenges. To give you a hint of my experience, imagine all the rides at deafening volume, the colors at dizzying intensity, the dark shadows ominously terrifying, the heat oppressively scorching, and the sea of humanity incessant. Well, that was my last trip there two years ago. Disneyland is a test of autism endurance, but it is a cool place in any event.