Today I gave a speech before about 100 women. I was nervous. I always am, even though I am used to giving speeches. I spoke about issues that are important to me; my personal mission of changing the way non-verbal autism is understood, how I want to be talked to (normally), how the community needs to be more accepting, and many other themes.
It was well received. It was the overwhelming aftermath I want to discuss. So many lovely, caring women rushed to me, hugging and kissing me. It was too much and I was overwhelmed. How can I explain it and not sound whiny?
My system is overly sensitive. Really, I am struggling all the time to be in control of myself. In emotional moments it is harder. Giving a speech, women who weep at my speech, teens who sob in my arms after my speech, so many questions people bombard me with in an instant… I wrote in the past about how I overflow. So, I did. I got aggressive in an instant, in front of my “admirers” (ha-ha). I grabbed my mom and pulled her hair.
I love my mom and I don’t have any desire to hurt her. I didn’t, but she was livid all the same. I need to get better self-control. My friend, Elaine Hall, suggested that my mom should whisk me out after future speeches before the crowd gets up. Yes! I am pretty sure I need that. It’s necessary if I’m going to continue doing speeches in person. I think seeing me in person helps people to believe my message.
If you have an autistic kid, this may help you understand the overflow you see. I do my best, but I am not normal neurologically. I believe it will improve, but meanwhile I have decided that I’m outta there the moment the speech is done. If there are questions, please write to facebook or my blog.
The lovely women are doting and I am fleeing. I greatly appreciate their good wishes more than they can know, but I need to go.
Now I need to go for a jog to run off my steam. Til next time.