Category Archives: aides

My Friend in Middle School

I was thinking about my friend who is autistic and starting middle school. He is a smart guy but he isn’t educated in a scholastic sense because he was kept for years in an autism classroom. Now in middle school he is starting to go to a regular class for one period. He is overwhelmed and scared and being watched. It is hard to be scared and overwhelmed and scrutinized. In his case he suffers more because he can’t communicate with his one-on-one. It’s a struggle to do the work if you can’t communicate and you’ve never sat through a regular class before.

But in spite of this, he is smart and he deserves a chance to learn. He isn’t learning anything in his autism class. I mean, if you couldn’t talk and I stuck you in a pre-school class year after year, how would you like it? It’s not a matter of he needs to be normal before he can start to be taught, because he will wait forever. He needs to learn how to learn. No one showed him this lecture format before. Imagine moving from toddler class to middle school with no preparation. Then the school is inferring that he really isn’t ready.

It was my experience too, and to some extent, it still is. I am over the days of proving I am smart, but not over the days of scrutiny. To be autistic means you have to prove yourself over and over. I sometimes imagine how my scrutinizers would like me scrutinizing them. I think we who work to emerge from autism need to get a little more empathy and a lot less judgments. The disabled can do a lot but we fight not only our disability, we fight prejudice, of sorts. I accept it. I’m used to it, but it’s new for this boy. I wish him and his wonderful mom strength and perseverance.

The Importance of Calm Assistance

I can imagine I wasn’t the only freshman who was nervous starting high school. I could see they were also scared. I saw they were lost trying to find their way around, and lots of them were shorter than the older kids. Just like them I was nervous and had a hard time in school. I hope I am not sounding whiny when I say I can’t cover up my feelings in the same way most people do.

This week I watched the blind athlete, Erik Weihenmayer, compete on the adventure race TV program, Expedition Impossible. I wrote how his race was harder because he did it blind. His teammate, Ike, had a serious injury. His race was harder too. They came in second in spite of it. I never saw them stop in self pity or expect the race to be made easier for them. The victory was that they did so well. I would love to meet them. I think it is a triumph because Erik is showing people that being disabled doesn’t mean not living fully.

He is a lucky man because he met Jeff. Jeff is his climbing partner; his eyes in a way. I would love to have a guide like Jeff to help me in my challenges too. He is optimistic and positive and calm so everyone else stays optimistic, positive and calm- and motivated. I have had the pleasure of some terrific support in school. The reason I can accomplish the goals I have set is thanks to people like Cathy, Katie, and others. I see how their relaxed demeanor helps me. It’s important because I am nervous in school.

This year I had a nervous aide for five miserable days. She was not a relaxed woman at all. I saw how everything got her tense. I saw how small things became big things because she over-reacted to them. I saw how she made my mom worried and me panicky.

I think Erik needs calm, thinking Jeff to achieve his great accomplishments, like climbing Mt. Everest. Someone who leads with tension really hurts morale. I see it blocks thought too. It becomes about how they feel, not about working things through. I am sensitive to people’s state of mind. I think nervous energy is transferred one to the other. In autism we are all easily flustered, so a person working with autistic people needs to be a calm type.

Besides being a calm type, Jeff was also a leader because he got his team to work hard. No Limits was a sort of ambitious group. No one wanted to let his teammates down. So, I meander in my flow of thoughts and I reach this conclusion: Ike and Jeff respected and believed in Erik. They believed he could do it even though he was blind. They went on the adventure for joy, and the experience, not just to win. By their support of Erik, he was able to achieve amazing things. It didn’t seem to be a bother to Jeff. He did it in stride. He would advise, “Duck here”, “Rock on the right”, and so on. So Erik was calm and secure to the extent he could be.

As I said earlier, in high school all freshmen are anxious. The school is so big and intimidating. In autism we all have anxiety issues when it’s good, so when we are scared it is so much worse. If we are also being monitored by people with notepads, it is even more anxiety provoking. And if our support is not a relaxed person, guess what happens?

Helen Keller had a calm Annie Sullivan to support her endeavors. The people who assist the disabled must be a special type of person. I have mostly been lucky. I am eager to begin the next phase of my high school experience with a friend at my side helping me. Life’s journey is always filled with new lessons.

Autism, Other People, and Discipline

How do you treat people with autism? In my experience the way people act can vary widely. Some people stare or act like I’m invisible. Others try to be nice. These fall into two groups. First are the ones who act like I am not understanding  anything, who look at me like I’m a species of lower-cognition human. They try to help by talking slowly and giving me high-fives. They are well intended. I am not angry at not knowing and being kind. I do get angry if they know I understand and still act this way.
The other folks act pretty normally around me and ignore my weird stims when they come. I am so relaxed around these people. I do take advantage of the opportunities I get with people who are too understanding of me, however. If someone is not intuitive and I feel they are clueless, I can be a real pain, to put it mildly. I mean, all I need is a weak, sympathetic helper and I’m a strangely obnoxious guy. It gets awful because I don’t like being so stimmy and all, but I take advantage of the opportunity time after time. I laugh now thinking of the hapless substitute aide two years ago, who talked to me like I was retarded, watched me stim without helping me get control over myself, and told my mom I had a “good day” at school. When my aide returned the next day the assistant principal stopped her and said, “Never be absent again.” Ha ha ha. It’s funny now, if not then.
This is true in a way for all people. My history teacher was really structured. The students were sitting and working quietly. It was a really nice class. My English teacher was not good at structure or discipline. The same students were rude and disruptive. That class was more of a trial. The students were mostly the same people. My impression now is that a good leader is essential in teaching and in people who work with me. It’s a true thing even with dogs, or anything. We work on making sure our dogs are not the leaders of our home. I know people whose dogs run the entire house.
In autism, we have impulse control problems. My aide must help me control impulses, keep me focused, and help me function in society. I am improving in self control. Glad about that, but I’ll tell the truth, I’m likely to take advantage of wimpy people and I bet your autistic kid will too.
Hope this helps with the selection of an aide.