The Internal Autismland

The frustration of having autism is matched sometimes by the frustration of the parents of an autistic person. It takes so much work, perseverance, and motivation to fight on the bad days or moments when Autismland swallows their child whole. My poor parents say it is remote and far away expressions I make in those times. How I annoy others when I’m in Autismland is a problem.

Choosing to stop or escape is not always possible. My parents or aide have different strategies to pull me back to reality. I exercise or think. They make me do one or both. It helps a lot forcing me to think when my brain is sliding into sensory heaven. It is a struggle between my senses and my mind. If no one helps, my senses usually will dominate when I’m in one of those moments.

Now, I realize I’m no picnic during one of those episodes. The horrible thing is I bug others then, but I don’t change in the way I want because I don’t have the control I need when these episodes occur. Other times I get easy control over myself. It may need lots of training, like sports and music skills. I notice jumping jacks help me reset my mind too. I think the difficulty is the intense OCD aspect. It is hard to resist sometimes. It is scary too to be at the mercy of stims or impulses but I am appreciative when people persevere in helping me regain control of myself and return to Normal-Land.

3 responses to “The Internal Autismland

  1. We have been experiencing some rather intense “autismland” hysterical laughter lately. As you said, it can be very frustrating to deal with. However, I do think about the insights I’ve gained from you during these times, and just that shift in perspective can help to get us through.

  2. Thanks for helping me understand you and autism

  3. Hi! First, I want to compliment you on your amazing respect for others. I have found in this journey of learning about what it is to be autistic that ALL people can be so self centered and selfish. Your writing is a breath of fresh air as I watch my for year old struggle with one of her stims 🙁 She even notices that it is controlling her and she doesn’t like it, which is why I’m sure I get no resistance when I redirect her. You gave me the reality that others were trying to deny me, that there is a balance between what is necessary and what can be controlled, and that the person with the “disability” can be completely aware of what help they need and what they don’t. Honestly, you helped give my daughter a voice by educating others. Thank you.

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