The struggle for emotional control is always with me. I try to meet the world on its terms. I need to calm myself to do that. It’s not too bad if I feel OK inside. If I don’t, Oh boy. I find it is a train that rolls so swiftly that even if the engineer tries to stop it, the momentum keeps moving me onward. Once I stop I feel so embarrassed or sorry.
The triggers can be silly to others. Inside, they are serious.
I get nervous. It overflows. I get stressed. It overflows.
Oh man, do I hate that.
I behave the way people expect autistic people to act when I overflow, so they assume I’m not smart or something. Then I stop trying.
Do you see other autistic people do this too? It sounds silly, but it is common. I think it explains the tantrums some kids have. They tantrum from fear, anxiety or stress, but oh how quickly it becomes anger if people try to stop it with “hands down” or “no” or “all done” to a teenager.
The train is stopped by rules and understanding.